Mom… When I was a little kid, if I misbehaved and tested my limits over and over and over again, then I owe you a HUGE apology.
Olivia is like that. She’s full of boundless energy and zest for life. She loves to run, jump, scream, poke her little sister, and touch that thing we told her not to touch one minute ago. Not because she’s a bad kid. It’s just that she really does have an enthusiasm for the what if in life. ( And unfortunately she also has an enthusiasm for the why not as well.)
No matter how many times we tell her not to scream in her sister’s face, she just can’t help herself. When she plays with Rachel, she just gets so excited. And when you’re excited, you raise your voice too. So we can’t really blame her. Still, it’s not appropriate.
I could list a few hundred more examples.
But she means no harm…
How on earth are we supposed to teach her appropriate behavior when she means no harm? When she’s just being passionate about life?
That’s not to say Olivia doesn’t have a mischievous side. She surely does. But what about the times when she really doesn’t have any bad intentions whatsoever?
She’ll ask “What’s that daddy?” Over and over.
When I was a little boy, I was SO curious about EVERYTHING! Seriously, I wanted to know everything about everything. I even read encyclopedias for fun. (No internet back then.) When we would watch TV together as a family, I’d often interrupt the show to ask my mom questions about what just happened. At the time, I didn’t understand why my mom would lose her patience with me. After all, I just wanted to know.
Olivia is like that. We’ll be driving somewhere, and as she sees something new out the van window, she’ll ask “What’s that daddy?” Over and over. Or I’ll tell her something, and she’ll ask “Why?” Then I tell her why, and in response to the answer she’ll again ask “Why?” And she’s not doing it to annoy or delay, she really wants to know. And it gets annoying and tries my patience.
(I can just picture the grin on my mom’s face as she’s reading this.)
How on earth are we supposed to keep our patience when she is doing nothing wrong, but is getting annoying?
The simple answer…
I think the answer to all of these questions is pretty simple. The trick is to just understand that when interacting with others in our society, there are certain things that aren’t wrong, but they are certainly inappropriate. There are also times when we do wrong things without meaning to do them.
When Olivia asks one hundred questions in the van, she’s not doing anything wrong. Yet she is doing something inappropriate. Imagine you driving to a meeting with your boss, doing the same thing. Don’t you think your boss would find your non-stop questions annoying and inappropriate?
It’s my job as her dad to teach her…
As Olivia’s dad, it’s my job to discipline her when she does wrong things, even if she didn’t mean it. If I don’t, then I’m not doing my job. I’m not teaching Olivia the important lesson that it doesn’t matter if you didn’t mean to do wrong, or if you didn’t mean to hurt somebody. No matter the reason, if you do wrong or hurt others, you need to take responsibility for it and make amends.
Likewise, if Olivia is acting inappropriately in social settings, then it’s my job as her dad to teach her that it’s inappropriate. To teach her correct behavior. Again, if I don’t, then I’m not doing my job as her dad and I’m setting her up for failure later in life.
Having said all that, it’s also my responsibility as dad to encourage her zeal and enthusiasm for life. Instead of just disciplining her for being loud, I also need to encourage appropriate ways for her have fun playing with her sister, etc.
Does that make any sense? Make sure to leave a comment below to let me know what you think.
