Last week my wife and I had a small argument. Okay, the truth is that I was a little crabby while getting ready for work. Something my wife did upset me, so I raised my voice to complain about it.
As soon as the words left my mouth, Olivia started to whimper. Shan asked her what was wrong.
“Daddy yelled at me…“
Oh no! Did she really say that? Did she think I was yelling at her?
I was ashamed. My heart began sinking.
Daddy Wasn’t Yelling At You
My wife began telling Olivia that no, daddy wasn’t yelling at you. Meanwhile my heart was already broken and I felt about 2 inches tall.
I rushed over to Olivia, got down on my knees, and told her “Daddy’s sorry. Daddy wasn’t yelling at you. I love you.” Then I gave her a kiss and a hug.
“Daddy yelled at me…”
Since Olivia’s two years old, that was sufficient to bring out a smile. As far as she was concerned, it was already water under the bridge.
Yet it bothered me all day at work. To this day, I still feel about 2 inches tall when I remember what happened.
Now in my defense, I wasn’t screaming at my wife or anything like that. However I did raise my voice some, and that was enough to scare and upset Olivia.
An Unforgiving Reflection
It’s hard being a dad because it’s unreal how your actions can affect your children. Sometimes it’s cute when Olivia copies me, but often it’s an unforgiving reflection of my own behavior.
I need to be more conscientious than ever about how I behave around my daughter.
For instance, I used to enjoy a small snack right after work, before supper was ready. Now if I want a cookie or a few pretzels, Olivia wants some too.
Sure that example is rather innocent, but what happened when I raised my voice wasn’t. Her reaction wounded me. I realize how wrong it was for me to raise my voice in the first place, and that my actions have consequences.
They always have, in fact, but now my actions also affect an innocent two year old girl. That wasn’t always the case when she was a baby, but now she can talk , and she understands a lot. So I need to be more conscientious than ever about how I behave around my daughter.
I’m Sorry
I don’t want to overreact to what happened, and yet I feel like I owe my family a public apology…
Shan: please forgive me for raising my voice. I may have had some valid complaints, but I overreacted.
Olivia: please forgive Daddy for scaring you.
I love you both, so I promise to try my best to be a better husband and a better dad.
