I just finished reading an amazing blog post “The Single Secret to Making 2009 Your Best Year Ever” written by Leo Babauta over at the Zen Habits blog.
I feel so inspired by reading Leo’s post, that I decided to write my version of the post as it pertains to being a dad. Specifically, how to be the best dad ever in 2009.
In Leo’s post, he discusses the real key to happiness: finding joy in what you have in the here and now. Continuing to have goals, wants, and desires, but understanding it’s the journey that enables you to be happy, not the destination.
So how can we relate this to being a dad?
Secret #1: Find Joy in What You Already Do Well
If you’re a human being—and you are—then we both know that you’re not a perfect dad. We both know you made mistakes and could have been a better dad in 2008.
Well me too!
However instead of focusing on the mistakes I’ve made as a dad, I’m choosing instead to feel content in the knowledge that I did a lot of good in my little girl’s life this past year. I taught Olivia many important and useful things. Most importantly, I gave her my unconditional love, and when I look into her eyes I can tell that she feels loved.
I’m choosing to feel content in the knowledge that I did a lot of good last year.
How many children in the world don’t have the unconditional love of their father? That doesn’t mean I haven’t gotten angry with her or messed up from time to time, but I loved, nurtured, cared for, and guided my daughter in 2008. That makes me a great dad… something I can be proud of.
If you’ve cared for, nurtured, guided, and loved your kids this past year, then you’re a great dad too. Find joy and happiness in that, and strive to do an even better job of it in 2009!
Secret #2: Find Joy in Your Kids Just the Way They Are
When it came time for Olivia’s first few checkups after she was born, I’m sure I was like every other parent out there. I kept wanting to know what percentile she was in… how that compared to other children her age… how she was progressing compared to all the other kids.
I’ve since learned to let all that go. It just doesn’t matter.
Now when I take Olivia in for a checkup, all I want to know from the doctor is how she’s doing, is she healthy, and does everything seem okay. Aside from that, to me it doesn’t matter.
We’re currently potty training Olivia, and have been for many months now. She’s almost got it all figured out, but she just doesn’t seem ready to take that final step to being completely trained and independent. So she’ll be 3 years old in a few months, and she’s still not potty trained. Whereas we have many friends who potty trained their kids in a week, by the time they were 20 months old or whatever.
I’m choosing find happiness in Olivia’s journey to develop and learn in 2009, rather than in the outcome of that journey.
Again, so what?
If I find joy in how my kid compares to other kids, there’s always going to be some other kid out there that’s better than Olivia, is developing faster than Olivia, that can do things Olivia hasn’t figured out yet.
So if I find my joy in comparing Olivia to other children, then I’ll never have joy. And I’ll rob myself of the opportunity to experience true joy and happiness in her uniqueness.
Olivia is Unique
She’s going to be good at what she’s good at. She’s going to develop at her pace. My job is to simply be there to guide and instruct, make sure she’s healthy, and then enjoy the journey.
I honestly can’t believe she’s nearly three years old! Never before have I understood the phrase “where did the time go” until I became a dad. I don’t want to waste the precious time I have with Olivia with expectations of her learning or progressing to the next milestone, or worrying about how she compares to other kids her age.
As Leo writes in his blog post, it’s still important to have goals. Since Olivia’s two years old, Shan and I make those goals for her. We’re going to continue the potty training. We’re going to continue to encourage her to learn new things, and further her development.
I just choose to base my joy and happiness with Olivia’s journey to develop and learn in 2009, rather than in the outcome of that journey. If Olivia’s not potty trained by this time next year, sure I’ll be concerned, but I’m not going to reserve my happiness until she’s fully potty trained. Instead I’m going to enjoy those comical moments of rushing to the bathroom to go “poopy.”
Being the Best Dad Ever in 2009
So what are the two secrets to making 2009 your best year ever as a dad? Find joy and happiness in what you already do well as a parent, and in your kids just the way they are today. Make goals and strive to do better, but strive to enjoy the journey towards those goals.
What do you think about these two secrets? Do you have any other tips or secrets for being a great dad in 2009? I’d love to hear what you think… please share your comments below.
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Great post! You don’t often think of “keeping up with the Jones’” as it relates to kids. I would hate for them to sense that from me. I had a post a couple weeks ago on identifying my faults and being mindful of my behavior.
http://www.kidkaizen.com/2008/12/lessons-from-my-kids-go-ape-on-bad-habits/
I found you through Leo’s twitter, very happy I did.
Corey’s last blog post..CrazyLittleFingers keeps your work and temper in check
@Corey – Thanks for sharing the link to your related blog post. I really enjoyed reading it.
“there’s always going to be some other kid out there that’s better than Olivia, is developing faster than Olivia, that can do things Olivia hasn’t figured out yet”
That’s a good thing to realize and you should also know that there will also be kids out there developing slower than Olivia and that can’t do things that Olivia has figured out already. Sometimes our view of the next goal makes it easy to miss what’s already been accomplished. (Jon, I’m sure you know this already…your post just got me thinking about my little ones)
And I also know what you mean about time passing quickly! Our second little one is 8 weeks old now and it’s amazing how many things we’ve forgotten about our first. So many memories are coming back.
A few months ago I purchased a Journal (http://www.journal10.com/) that gives me 4 lines a day that I use to keep track of something funny, cute, gross, about the kids. I’m loving it. Those memories will now be preserved in their gory detail. (I’m in no way affiliated with them – I just love their product)
Cheers,
Gwaine
@Gwaine – Thanks for the tip about the Journal you purchased. A person could also do the same thing with software like Microsoft OneNote (or whatever). The key I suppose it actually sticking with it and writing something every day… or at least most days.
Hi Gwaine
the best moments You can share with someone, drive to have expectation about all dreams to accomplish and to have the emotion that is unique like a child, your child. So, be a nice teacher-friend-parent and good luck.
I saw your comment in a Building Camelot about Icons, notes and alerts and I come to your site to see yours and ask you if it is possible to share how you did in alert and the button on social bookmarks “tell a friend”
Thanx
JA